What brings a tear of joy to my eye?
This is an easy answer for me, if you’ve read my introduction post you may know that I used to be a pre-professional dancer, specifically a ballerina. Ballet was my first love, it will always hold a special place in my heart. I spent 5 hours a day, 5 days a week in that studio working as hard as I could, while also being in school, and working a part time job. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but also so, so rewarding.
While all those hours spent working hard and seeing the improvement were rewarding, the most rewarding thing about ballet in my opinion was getting out on the stage. Some dancers prefer the class aspect, and many of my classmates didn’t care for the spotlight. I couldn’t be more different, I loved the makeup, the costumes, the dressing rooms, the flowers, and most of all giving it everything I had when I was out there. I lived for the stage, giving it my all, pouring my heart, mind, soul, and body into my craft on that stage was what I lived for.
Unfortunately over time ballet started becoming harder and harder for me to do. During my senior year of high school my body began seriously deteriorating. I was born with a few chronic illnesses, but when I started dance they were hardly present. However, overtime things worsened and it became nearly impossible for me to participate in class. I wasn’t totally surprised by this, I was told going in it would probably be better for me to “quit while I was ahead”, but I was much too stubborn to listen, and I couldn’t stay away from the one thing I loved most – ballet.
About 50% of my class time during my senior year was spent watching classes and taking notes, and during performances I pushed to my max and would end up unable to walk in the week following the performance. Then came audition season, at this point I hadn’t give up yet, I was still going to go pro in my mind. Obviously, I was in horrible condition and my auditions did not turn out well which led to me not being accepted anywhere. I was beat down, but also some what relieved. It was over, this was my sign to take a different path.
It was so hard to walk away from dance, but it was the right choice for me.
So you might be wondering – where is the joy in this? Dance is still something I hold so dearly, and every time I have seen a ballet since then, whether I’m actually watching live, or I see a reel about ballet, I am brought to tears. The appreciation of the dancer I see and the work they do, how far they’ve come for what they love, and the memories of my time in dance hit me and I without fail will shed a tear or two.
There are no words to describe how much love I have for the art of ballet, and the feelings that come when I see it, but I hope this gives a glimpse of just how much dancers give to their craft, and I truly believe there is nothing more beautiful than that.
The Grey Area 
Leave a comment